`her old life |kimberly|

[melina lynette cavers]

*but there's a side to you that i never knew, never knew ! ,
^{ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID, THEY WERE NEVER TRUE, NEVER TRUE AND THE GAMES YOU PLAY YOU WOULD ALWAYS WIN}

Melina was doing well here. Sure it had only been a few weeks, but she wasn't as depressed as she had been back at home. Of course, she still wasn't opening up a lot. That would take time. That is, if she ever opened up at all. Even so though, she'd been sick lately. She was throwing up a bit the past few days. She knew what it was. She'd suspected it when she'd first missed her period right before being sent to Horizon. The test had proved it, but right now she was living in denial. She was perfectly fine ignoring the problem right now. She wanted to be happy and the denial was making her happy. So happy in fact that when Peter and her Pathwinder's counselor had asked her to be the settling in buddy for a new girl coming, she said yes. It took a bit of convincing on the counselor's part, but she figured it would take her mind off of everything.

Melina came into the cabin from lunch. While everyone else was going to group, she was supposed to meet the new girl and show her around. She went into the bathroom and brushed her hair. She hardly recognized the girl standing in front of her. She looked like the girl from home, but then at the same time not. She just looked...sad. She tried to put a smile on her face as she heard the front door of the cabin open. They hadn't told her what the girl's name was, just that they were around the same age. She walked out of the bathroom. "Hi I'm...." she started but stopped immediately. The brush in her hand went crashing to the floor as her hands flew up to her mouth when she saw her ex-best friend standing in front of her.

* but i set fire to the rain, watched it pour as i touch your face ! ,
^{WELL IT BURNED WHILE I CRIED CAUSE I HEARD IT SCREAMING OUT YOUR NAME}

tagged , kimberly.
outfit , outfit!
words , 389.
lyrics , set fire to the rain by adele.
status , finished.
notes , so i don't want them to start off automatically as being friends again. i think that'll take time giving what they went through. so maybe this first encounter is like awkward and scary, maybe even lashing out of both girls part

[kimberly leanne faye]

Kimberly had been told that she would have a first week buddy, someone to be with her basically the entire time. Kimberly didn't know how much she could handle that. She really just wanted someone to be alone. She wanted no one with her. She looked at the counselor as he was bringing her into the Pathwinder's cabin. This was the start of a new life for her. It was well after lunch when she was bought into the cabin. The girl had been getting smaller over and over for a while now. She wasn't to sure about being there either.

Kimberly was about to say something as she watched the girl, something about her reminded her of her past. She was reminded of her past because of the fact that Melina was the girl who Kimberly didn't believe. She watched as the brush slide down and out of the hand and come crashing down to the floor. "I can't do this..." She paused a little bit as she looked at her best friend. Her old best friend.

The counselor hadn't figured anything out, but he was gone shortly after dropping her off. He didn't even catch the last part of what Kimberly had said. Kimberly was shaking as she went after the girl, her hand reached out to her but she stopped herself. She didn't want to make matters worse. "Look, Mel I'm sorry I really am I just..." It was hard to apologize when she wasn't looking at her.

The pain that Kim was feeling was almost retching at her very heart. She felt lost,broken, utterly confused about things. "Melina look at me, damnit, I'm sorry I'm trying to tell you I'm sorry and your not even listening." Yet she was listening wasn't she.

Her arms were covered in scars, her sleeves were pulled down covering every single scar she had on her arms. Every scar had a new story to it. She was able to keep everything hidden behind the safety of her sleeves. "Look, I shouldn't have said what I had said before you left, I should have at least listened to you."

Yet her friend passed it off as if it was nothing. It wasn't nothing to Kimberly anymore. It was everything. This wasn't going to work was it. "You don't have to be my buddy, I don't need a first week buddy." After all there was only so much a girl could take before she would snap.

The counselor had been smart enough to find most of the knives, and lighters she had, but she still had a few tucked safely away. She would manage to sneak away whenever she could, and do what she needed too at that moment.

[melina lynette cavers]

*but there's a side to you that i never knew, never knew ! ,
^{ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID, THEY WERE NEVER TRUE, NEVER TRUE AND THE GAMES YOU PLAY YOU WOULD ALWAYS WIN}

Melina almost started hyperventilating. This was not possible. The girl who she had been closest to and the girl who had made her life a living hell was standing right in front of her. What was doing here? Had she found out that Lina was here and come here to torture her some more. This was more than Melina could handle. Here she was making progress and now all she could think about was everything Kim had done to her at the old school. The name calling, the shoving, the cornering her in the bathroom, not standing up for her. It all came rushing back to her. As Kim started talking, Melina didn't want to here it. She just covered her ears and went over to her bed.

She sat down and and put her legs pretzel style. She began rocking back and forth, tears streaming down her face. "What are you doing here Kimberly? What?! Come to torture me some more? IS that it? I don't want your apologies because they don't mean anything!" Everything that she had let build up over the past few months was coming out now.

* but i set fire to the rain, watched it pour as i touch your face ! ,
^{WELL IT BURNED WHILE I CRIED CAUSE I HEARD IT SCREAMING OUT YOUR NAME}

tagged , kimberly.
outfit , outfit!
words , 389.
lyrics , set fire to the rain by adele.
status , finished.
notes , so i don't want them to start off automatically as being friends again. i think that'll take time giving what they went through. so maybe this first encounter is like awkward and scary, maybe even lashing out of both girls part

[kimberly leanne faye]

Kim could sense the change in Melina. She was changing and it wasn't for the better. She was suffering and Kim felt like it was her fault. If only she had taken the time to listen to her now. If there was that time that she took to actually believe her best friend. "Melina, Meli, " Her hands were shaking, she wanted to tell her, but she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to admit that she was raped. She couldn't bring herself to tell her ex friend anything.

Kim could remember how much hell she put her friend through, but if Kimberly needed someone now it was Melina. She needed to feel like everything was alright. "Lo siento, mel." Her hands went to reach out for Melina, but she stopped yet again. As if she was a child who got smacked for reaching for a hot stove.

"My parents, they sent me here, just it was a mistake, I don't plan on staying." She said softly. She didn't even plan on being there, she planned on being dead. She didn't make any more towards Mel. She didn't blame her friend for acting exactly like this. If she was in her shoes first, then she would have been acting the same way.

"I know they don't, Mel, I know they don't mean anything, but they are the best I can do, the best I can offer." Oh Lord, how she wanted to cut right then. She'd wanted to be able to feel pain, she wanted to feel alive. Right now she felt as if she was dead. She went over to her own bed, and sat down towards the window. She still had yet to unpack. She didn't think she would even do that.

[melina lynette cavers]

*but there's a side to you that i never knew, never knew ! ,
^{ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID, THEY WERE NEVER TRUE, NEVER TRUE AND THE GAMES YOU PLAY YOU WOULD ALWAYS WIN}

Meli. That was what her best friend used to call her. Ever since the two had met as children and learned how to talk. It was crazy to think that they could be any other way. If you had asked the girl even a year ago if this was possibly, Melina would have automatically said no. Why would they ever fight or get mad at each other longer than an hour. Melina tried to pull herself together. She took a few deep breaths like Hanna and Katrina had taught her in group and individuals sessions. It was the only way that Melina was ever going to get out of panic mode. She scooted away from Kimberly. She didn't want to touched right now. Actually, she flinched away more than anything.

She tried listening to what the girl had to say. Why would Kimmy's parents sent her here? How did they even know about Horizon? Oh God had her parents told them? They promised they wouldn't tell anyone where she was. Another promise broken she supposed. She wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up at the ceiling. What was she supposed to do now? Tell Hannah and the other counselors that she couldn't be the girl's buddy. They they would want to know why. She couldn't go through explaining it. "I'll...I'll be your buddy for the week. I told the counselors I would and I don't break promises."

* but i set fire to the rain, watched it pour as i touch your face ! ,
^{WELL IT BURNED WHILE I CRIED CAUSE I HEARD IT SCREAMING OUT YOUR NAME}

tagged , kimberly.
outfit , outfit!
words , 389.
lyrics , set fire to the rain by adele.
status , finished.
notes , so i don't want them to start off automatically as being friends again. i think that'll take time giving what they went through. so maybe this first encounter is like awkward and scary, maybe even lashing out of both girls part

[kimberly leanne faye]

Kimberly was breaking apart at the seams, she had just gone through hell in order to go to Horizon. She was slowly trying to kill, die, she didn't really know. She just wanted to be free, and Horizon wasn't going to do that. Kimberly scratched at her arms now, she really didn't know what to do. She didn't want to admit she needed help. She didn't want to show that she was broken, she didn't want the counselors to know that she was hiding something more.

"You don't have too, besides, you don't want too." She shook her head. Kimberly knew that right now, she was the last person that Melina would have wanted to see. "Besides I can pretend that your a buddy, I can pretend easily." She was trying to hint that something was terribly wrong, but at that it would make things worse.

When she said she didn't break promises, she just about grimaced. She remembered a promise she made with Meli, she had promised to not turn on her so many years ago, back when she was younger, much younger. "Just pretend." She sighed a little bit more.

She needed to feel free now. She needed to feel safe.

[melina lynette cavers]

*but there's a side to you that i never knew, never knew ! ,
^{ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID, THEY WERE NEVER TRUE, NEVER TRUE AND THE GAMES YOU PLAY YOU WOULD ALWAYS WIN}

Melina watched her old friend. Something was wrong. That was obvious. The question was, did she really care enough to find out. She wasn't sure if she did. Kimberly had never bothered to find out what was wrong with Melina. In fact when Melina volunteered the information, Kimmy was glad to throw her to the wolves and claim she was a liar. Right when she needed her best friend the most, she disappeared. Melina wiped away the tears that were left and tried to put on a brave face. "This isn't about you Kimberly. This is about me. I don't want anyone asking questions about why I won't do it. So we'll suck it up and be first week buddies. Both of us."

"Pretending had never been you're problem anyway Kimmy remember. You seemed to be pretty good at that." Okay, maybe this wasn't exactly the best approach. She was getting snappy. This wasn't who she was. She couldn't help it though. Despite what Horizon taught about letting go and forgiving, she couldn't bring herself to do it right now. She had to get this out of her system.

* but i set fire to the rain, watched it pour as i touch your face ! ,
^{WELL IT BURNED WHILE I CRIED CAUSE I HEARD IT SCREAMING OUT YOUR NAME}

tagged , kimberly.
outfit , outfit!
words , 389.
lyrics , set fire to the rain by adele.
status , finished.
notes , so i don't want them to start off automatically as being friends again. i think that'll take time giving what they went through. so maybe this first encounter is like awkward and scary, maybe even lashing out of both girls part

[kimberly leanne faye]

Kim looked over at her now, when she said that she was going to do this first week buddy shit, well really she didn't feel like doing it, but she would, just so that she could go ahead and go on with her plans. When Melina said it wasn't about Kimberly, the girl just had an iced look on her face. Truth was, she hadn't cried in a while, hadn't let anything go out, even when it happened, she didn't scream, she didn't cry or well she didn't remember.

When Kim was told that she was good at pretending, she looked at Melina now once more. "Then this will be easy." She said in a icey tone. Something wasn't right, and Kimberly wasn't going to admit it. She would take it to her dying grave with her if she could. She stood up from her bed, as she started to unpack her clothing, she put them on her bed, as she found what she was looking for. She slid the knife into her pocket, as she walked over to the shelf, she put her clothing inside. "I have to go to be the bathroom, I am sure you don't need to follow." Kimberly said sharply.

She turned on her heel and walked towards the bathroom now. Just a quick slice to her arm, some where anywhere. She would feel better.

Once in the bathroom, and the clothing was off her leg, she took the knife, opened it up, and did what she needed to do.Her hands were shaking, if she didn't cut right, then she would die. Right now she just needed to bleed.

She did her business, or fake business for that matter, flushed the tiolet. Then took off her long sleeve shirt for a moment, taking the knife, she dragged the blade against her skin, wincing as she felt the blood slowly come out, a trickle at first.

Then she was done, her clothing put back on, her eyes were hard looking, as she slid the blood stained knife back into her pocket. She went over to the sink, and washed her hands. Then made her way back out and over to her bed.

She took her stuff and unpacked, then made her bed. She sat down on the bed, and looked at her legs, as she tugged herself together. She didn't feel like talking.She whispered yet again, the words she dare say. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you." It was even hard saying those words, but if asked, she wouldn't admit why she was sorry. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend." truth was, she was sorry.

[melina lynette cavers]

*but there's a side to you that i never knew, never knew ! ,
^{ALL THE THINGS YOU SAID, THEY WERE NEVER TRUE, NEVER TRUE AND THE GAMES YOU PLAY YOU WOULD ALWAYS WIN}

Melina listened to the ice in her friend's voice. The sound itself felt like a slap in her face. Maybe she shouldn't have been so mean. It wasn't Melina. She wasn't used to acting like that. She had always avoided confrontation and here she was practically asking for it. She couldn't shake the feeling inside of her. The feeling that wanted to scream. The feeling that told her to cry and beat the crap out of Kimberly. She was ignoring the voice pretty hard when she saw Kim slip something in her pocket and head to the bathroom. Melina cut her eyes suspiciously at the closed door.

When the girl came back out, Melina watched her go over to her bed and begin to unpack. It was so different from when Melina herself had first come to Horizon. Melina didn't speak, didn't look at anyone. She just quietly put her clothes away, no real anger in her heart, and once she was finished she curled up on her bed in a ball and cried all day and all night. Melina was about to let the gut feeling she had go when Kimberly said those words that Melina had been longing to hear.

Melina's eyes shot over to her friend. Tears formed in her eyes not knowing what to say or believe for that matter. Was this real? Melina had wanted to hear those words from someone, anyone for so long and there they finally were splayed out right in front of her. Instead of saying anything, Melina walked over to the girl's bed and sat down next to her. She grabbed her arm and pushed up the sleeve to reveal the freshly made cuts. "I've been here long enough to see what it looks like. I've seen enough other newbies to try that trick on the first day. You can get us both in trouble for this you know. They check." Melina had seen more than enough body checks administered to the cutters in here. It was just like how the girls with eating disorders got weighed all the time.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

* but i set fire to the rain, watched it pour as i touch your face ! ,
^{WELL IT BURNED WHILE I CRIED CAUSE I HEARD IT SCREAMING OUT YOUR NAME}

tagged , kimberly.
outfit , outfit!
words , 389.
lyrics , set fire to the rain by adele.
status , finished.
notes , i like how this is going

[kimberly leanne faye]

Kimberly wanted to cry, she wanted to know the pain that she caused her friend. She wanted to cut some more. She wanted to die, she wanted to well what was the point. She wanted to do a lot of things but that wasn't going to happen was it?

Kimberly was iced a bit more as she looked down at her leg. She was about to withdraw from the world as the searing pain of her arm took forward and propelled her into her misery now. She had wanted to slice a vein, she had wanted to just die. She wanted to just disappear. Her eyes looked over at her ex-best friend.

Her hands were shaking a bit more as her friend yanked her arm away from her. She was about to pull back, but the touch was gentle, and it reminded her of home those many times the two had gone off and played, and one touched the other to get them to stop. Kimberly was about to pass it off as if it was nothing. She needed it to be nothing. She didn't think she would ever make her friend see why, without spilling out the truth. She wasn't ready for it.

"It doesn't matter why." Kimberly said iced a bit more. "It feels good." She told her now. It did feel good."It feels real." She was using the expressions that the girl's had used at the self help groups she had been dragged too, before Horizon came into it. She didn't think she could tell her yet after all the two of them weren't on very good speaking terms.

"I just like doing it, relax it isn't hurting you." She told her now believing her own lies were easy.